Look Who Was Here!

Having a Sibling is having an assurance that you will have a Best Friend for life. Siblings are family, but the formalities generally associated with a family can be cast away when to comes to dealing with siblings. My little brother (not so little now), was one Best Friend I could never get tired of. The fact that we shared a good percentage of our genes and a roof above our heads made it just impossible to not love him. I had not seen him for almost six months and was excited that he was coming to visit me. I drew many plans and eagerly awaited his arrival.

I kept seeing the clock and could hardly sleep the night before he arrived. Unfortunately I had work and requested my best friend to receive him at the airport. My brother was extremely co-operative and accompanied my friend. They had a great time together and had pizza for breakfast. They had several common passions that included motorbikes, TV-series and annoying me :P

As I entered the house an hour after his arrival, I felt a wave of nostalgia creeping into me. He was finally here! We exchanged notes and chatted as my roommate pampered us with biscuits and coffee.

Over the next few days we tried several cuisines including Chinese and Thai Vegetarian Food. We visited Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum and several other iconic places in Singapore. We had a great time revelling in our shared craziness.

Posing with E.T : My Brother is a great Poser

Salute! In front of the Parliament

 On the last day of his brief Sojourn, we had planned to visit the Bird Park and head out for Dinner, however our plans were thrashed as I caught a cold and fever and could barely move. We spent the day chit-chatting and eating whatever was available in the house. My room mates and friends entertained us and we had a lovely day. I was glad that I had the cold as it gave me the opportunity to spend time with my brother and friends without having to sift through the hustle of the city.

The next day, as I accompanied him to the airport, I felt sad that he was leaving, but knew that I would be meeting him again as I was going home.

The places we visit are seemingly insignificant as compared to the people we meet. A big thanks to all my buddies in Singapore for making my brothers trip to Singapore a memorable one.It would be difficult to thank everyone who took time to visit us and made this trip a memorable one,but some people really need to be thanked!  A special thanks to my best friends Mahalakshmi and Siddharth and my Roomies Ananya and Shruti for filling in for me.

Homecoming

There is a major difference between shifting houses and shifting homes. The former is much easier, for all it entails is leaving behind a building that is nothing but brick and mortar. Shifting homes on the other hand is emotionally taxing for one needs to leave their loved ones behind while shifting homes.

I have shifted homes twice and I am moving to a new house with my current home-mates soon and I would definitely say that shifting houses is no easy task, however shifting homes is a hundred times worse than shifting houses.

Two years ago, I left home for the first time. I left my family and came to Singapore. I was apprehensive and a little sad on leaving my little nest, but the excitement of going to a new place kept my spirits high.

In my first year in Singapore, my roommates became my support system in Singapore. The day I left the house, I felt a tinge of pain and I looked at the house that was once my residence for the last time. I quickly turned away and proceeded to my new house.

I soon moved into another locality and got acquainted with my new housemates. These housemates soon became home mates. At the end of the year, the university asked my roommates to shift. I was in a situation where I could either retain my house or my home-mates. I chose the later.

Many people chided me on my decision to shift houses when I could live on campus. I knew that they would never be able to understand my rationale behind leaving the house. I felt that a house can be replaced, but people who matter to you should never be replaced.

To me, My current hostel was a home, because my buddies made it so. If I chose them over the house, I would still be in a home. On the contrary if I chose the house, the house would be nothing but a hostel. It would mean that I valued cardboard, brick and cement over wonderful people.

The only thing that I miss about my new house is my Best Friends Absence. Though she intended to stay with me, a series of errors on my part made it impossible. However, nothing can be perfect and it's almost perfect with my home-mates and I am sure my Best Friend will be an honorary house mate in my house, just like I am in hers.

Houses may come, Houses may go. But we will go on forever.

Hindi Vindi

Languages has never been my cup of tea. However hard I try, my brain is wired in a way that makes languages difficult to grasp. When I was in grade one, My parents decided that I should learn Tamil, my mother tongue as my second language in school. Despite being able to speak in Tamil, I struggled with writing as I could never get the spellings right. Every time I submitted my note book to the teacher, it would be returned to me with several red ink marks on it. When my grandmother and mother tried to teach me, I would cry each time they made me write a word as an imposition as I never intended to make a mistake. My brain could simply not understand the nuances. At the end of Primary school, I could read and speak Tamil,but my writing skills remained below par. My ability to understand a new language was also low.

While attempting to learn my mother tongue itself was an arduous task, I made an unsuccessful attempt to learn Hindi. Several people told me that they had learnt Hindi by merely watching films. I knew the task would not be that easy, but I enrolled for classes and tried to understand Hindi. Despite all the effort I put. The attempt was a failure.

I assumed that I was unable to learn Hindi as I did not have anyone to interact with. Most of my friends spoke either Telugu or Kannada, and I thought it would be easier to pick up one of these languages. Once again my Mission Failed.

My linguistic disability never posed any problems. I was able to communicate verbally in English and Tamil. In India my lack of knowledge in Hindi was never remarked upon. Surprisingly the first this language issue was when I was in Singapore. Several times I found myself in the company of people who spoke in Mandarin and Hindi. While those who spoke in Mandarin were sympathetic, my Indian comrades simply expressed their surprise and continued talking in Hindi.

Some of them argued that Hindi was the national language of India. When I pointed out that Hindi was not 'THE' national language of India and that India had over a dozen national languages, they would arch their eyebrows and shake their head. They never empathized with me, but asked me to talk in English each time I spoke in Tamil ( Mainly to make them understand my situation).

My saviours were my roommates. One of them made an attempt to always talk to me in Hindi while the other when a step ahead and translated every sentence to me as others around me spoke to each other oblivious of my presence. 

I imagine the day, I would be able to have a full conversation in Hindi. Like the Sridevi in English Vinglish, I want to see the surprised faces of those around me. However I know this day may never come.

To those who tell me that I need to learn Hindi, I just have a few questions.

You say that Hindi is spoken in Delhi and I will suffer if I ever move to Delhi. I have no intention of moving to Delhi. Many of you have the intention of moving to Germany, France, Spain and Japan in the future. However you do not know German or French and still have the intention of emigrating to these countries. 

Secondly, you say that Hindi is spoken in many places in India. Sadly, we are not in India guys! we are in Singapore now! here, Hindi is NOT a National Language.Tamil, my mother tongue is one of the national languages of Singapore. If you feel it is necessary to know a Language that is commonly used in the city where you intend to live, I suggest you learn a language that is used in the city where you currently live. If thats the case, according to your analogy and theory, you can learn Tamil. 

So buddies.... When shall we begin the lesson???

Empowered and Empowering

In Buses in India it is not uncommon to find a section of seats on every bus reserved for women. This is done to ensure that women feel safe while traveling on crowded buses. Thr remaining seats are not reserved and anyone who chooses to sit on them can use them. However some people traveling on the bus assume that General Seats are for men while the reserved seats are for women.

Once I was traveling on a bus that was relatively empty. The women's section was full and only one man was seated in the general section. I proceeded to find a seat and sat down. In the next stop a lady and few other men got in and the lady asked me to get up. I pointed that the bus was empty and she could sit in any other seat she chose to. She shook her head and said that I was sitting in a 'Gents' seat and I should get up. Some of the men on the bus agreed with her. I simply refused to get up. She gave a disproving glance and continued to stand though there were sufficient seats on the bus as she wanted to sit on a 'LADIES' seat.

This happens on a daily basis in many places. It is not necessary that men suppress women, since many women suppress themselves. It would still be alright if they suppressed themselves, but many women take an extra step in suppressing other women by admonishing them. While I stuck to the seat and refused to move, I have come across several other girls who getup and stand in the same situation to avoid creating a scene.

This expression of authority on strangers is not limited to the public transport system. I was once seated on a bench in my undergraduate college. I stretched my legs after a tiring day at lab and classes. A woman who was the office assistant of one of my professors happened to pass by. She scurried towards me and asked me to sit decently. I pointed out that was nothing wrong in the way I sat and pointed to a boy sitting a few feet away and told her that he was sitting the same way. She said "Ozhunga Nalla Ponnu Mathri Iru". (Be like a good proper girl). I simply smiled and folded my knees and sat upright till she was out of sight. I did not have much of a choice as I was already notorious in college for being rebellious and did not want to create a scene as I feared it would affect my grades if anyone came to know that I rebelled.

These two incidents annoyed me, however I felt lucky as this superficial need to Appear like a "Nalla Ponnu" did not apply at home. However In several instances it applies to the home as well. I have come across several girls who wanted to study Mechanical Engineering but ultimately did not as their mothers and grandmothers counseled them against studying a "BOYS" course.

Many states in India have several women at their helm and many nations are lead by able women. We have several sportspersons including Mary Kom, Saritha Devi etc who are women. Many women scientists work in research establishments like ISRO and women contribute significantly to the nation. While many women admire these women who have made a mark, they hypocritically suppress themselves and the women around them by shaming them and controlling them to act like the supposed Good Woman in their perceptions. If  it had been drilled into Mary Kom had that punching was only meant for boys she  would not be where she is today.

I am a Mechanical Engineer and I have several friends doing research in Computer Science, Medicine and Biology. Research by itself is perceived to be a Male dominated field and sciences are all the more dominated by men. All of them concur on one thing - The women in their lives I.e. Mother, sister, teacher etc were extremely crucial in offering their support to them. One of them even went on to say that when she was in 6th grade her science teacher had told her that she should consider Life Science research and that the teacher was a major support to her. She concluded that if not for her family and teachers support she would not be where she is.

Several men suppress and abuse women, however several women suppress themselves and others and  in turn create a group of women who believe that it is alright to be suppressed and suppressed. It is only when this chain ends can women truly be empowering and empowered.

Let it go !

If we made a mistake, she would admonish us for a few minutes and then go on with whatever she was doing like nothing happened.

If she made a mistake, she would apologise and move on.

She was extremely level headed and looked at everything with a rational perspective and a combination of patience and pragmatism is what made her the person she is. She never held grudges, as she believed that everyone should always be given a second chance.

Several times when I encounter people, I observe that they are neither ready to forgive others, nor are they ready to accept their mistakes. They hold on to a false ego that they are always right and refuse to look beyond the rosy borders that they have mentally created for themselves. In doing so they create a barrier between themselves and others and make themselves difficult to approach. When I encounter such people, the first person who comes to my mind is my Mom.

I would always wonder what she would do if she was in the same situation. She would simply forgive the person and move on. I always wondered how she could be so calm and composed. I am a person who believes in admitting my mistakes, however when it came to forgiving others, my opinion was diametrically opposite to that of my mother. 

I believed that a person who had hurt me once, would hurt me again and by forgiving them I was only making myself more vulnerable to that persons emotions. I held on to my belief until my mom pointed out to me, that my not forgiving a person and holding onto a grudge, we are allocating a space for the person in our mind, this allocation of spaces makes us lose focus on other better and more important things. I did not buy her logic as I felt the principle was flawed.

One day I entered by apartment with a bag of vegetables that I had purchased in the market. I opened the fridge that was already overflowing and realised that there was no space for the vegetables. I left the vegetables on the kitchen counter and was left with a bag of rotten vegetables two days later. When I sifted through the contents of the fridge I noticed that most of the contents had either crossed their expiry dates or were spoilt. I had held on to rotten food and in the process let the fresh vegetables rot.

The same principle applies to our life. If we hold on to grudges, we let the grudges occupy too much of space in our mind. We do not get rid of grudges and hence our mind is filled with rotten thoughts. This prevents good thoughts from entering the mind. The good thoughts are forgotten as there is no space for them and in due course of time, the good thoughts become invalid as we have not allocated sufficient time to them.

For Example, A professor falsely accused me of using a mobile phone in his class.. He publicly shamed me in front of my classmates. I developed an instant dislike for him and mentally shut myself out in all his lessons. While my eyes appeared to focus on the board, I did not focus on the lessons. The Professor was a sour human but a good teacher. When the exams came, while others could fathom the subject, I was clueless. I had let the grudge grow in me and had prevented the knowledge from coming in. In the end, the sour Professor had remained unaffected. He continued to remain sour while my grades suffered.

This incident made me change my belief on forgiving others.

In forgiving someone else, we are in reality making ourselves a better person by getting rid of all the dirt and rot (grudges).

As the nicest human being I have known - My Mom, celebrates her birthday this week. I pray and hope that I become like her someday. I hope god gives her a colourful life and endows others with the cheerful disposition she has.

Bise-Bhele-Bhaat

Bise-Bhele-Bhaat is one of my favourite dishes. The Colourful concoction of rice, lentils and vegetables is as tasty as it looks. It is simple to make and easy to eat as it does not require any side dish to be eaten with it. My grandmothers and mother are experts at making this dish. However the best Bise-Bhele-Bhaat I have tasted was made by my friend Sahana, who originates from the same place that Bise-Bhele-Bhaat originated - Karnataka.  Sahana had a knack for making it. She would toss the ingredients into a cooker and let it cook. She would then add the condiments and it would be just perfect at the first try. She knew the quantities by just looking at them. When complimented, she would just smile and offer to explain how to make it. She was unassuming and never cared for compliments.

"Exchange one dollar with and a friend and you have a dollar each.

Exchange an idea with a friend and you have two good ideas."

In this race of life, many believe that success is a win-lose situation, where one needs to put down their counterparts in order to succeed. In stark contrast she believed in sharing ideas and knowledge with everyone in order to obtain ideas from them. She believed that learning was a two-way process that benefitted the receiver as well as the giver.

Relative Grading is analogous to ensuring that you stay a little ahead of others, so that you can leverage the edge you have by converting it to a better grade. Several people I knew used the relative grading system to their advantage by not sharing what they knew with others. However, Sahana rubbished these ideas and freely shared her notes with everyone. The notes that she meticulously prepared, used to be photocopied and passed around the rest of the class. Never once did she worry that the people she helped would outperform her.

Sahana was extremely organized. She did not stop with herself and lent a hand to anyone who required it. Once during my Master's, I had an open book exam. I sat in the study lounge with piles and piles of paper surrounding me, unsure of how to proceed. Sahana, came up to me. She sat down and quickly began to re-arrange my notes. She labelled them using sticky notes and sorted them into five broad categories depending on the portions covered in them. She gave me a few tips on how to use those notes to my advantage. She congratulated me when I received an 'A' on the paper, and commented that I had done the studying and she was only a catalyst.

She did not stop with academics. Cooking came naturally to Sahana, and she gave cooking advice to anyone who asked her. She taught me to make macaroni and accompanied me to the shop to purchase the best pasta available in the market. She made Bise-bhele-bhaat and Biriyani when I was low and never ceased to motivate me when I felt low.

Sahana Completed the course with flying colors. She topped the class. What made it more special for everyone was that, by succeeding, she created a win-win situation for everyone. She proved that one can succeed by being simple. The bise-bhele-Bhaat is simple, tasty and nourishing. The same way the best way to be successful is be simple, drop your ego, learn from others and teach others what you know. The way to succeed will present itself to you.

Sahana, as you celebrate your birthday, I wish you a prosperous life. I wish that your life is as Colourful as the Bise-Bhele-Bhaat. Continue to be as awesome as you are. The world needs people like you.

Worry not for life will move on...

This post is dedicated to my dear friend 'A'. I have had several friends but one person who motivated me the most was 'A', His tale is one of grit, determination and strong will. He never lost heart and had worked hard. He never gave up hope and always told himself that he would see light at the end of the tunnel. 

Every classroom in any institution will have melange of people ranging from the super-geeks to the most chilled out people. Though the ratio of the geeks to average humans depends upon the ranking and repute of the school, every class will have atleast one different person who does not fit into the mould.

I studied in an Undergraduate School that was not bad but was not a great school. Our class had a fine balance of nine-pointers and average students. Some people studied really hard and walked away with brilliant grades. While some were just content to pass. However there were some people who did not fall into both categories. One such person was 'A'.

He worked really hard. While others started studying for a test only a day prior to it. He would study for weeks. He would revise two, three and even four times but would mess up at the end of the exam. At the end of the test he would be glum as would not have been able to answer most of the questions. He would then move on and study for the next test. This pattern continued until a point when he finally lost his motivation. One day when our seniors were graduating from college, he saw them in their graduation gowns and lamented that he would never graduate. I jokingly asked him to borrow a seniors gown and click a picture in case he never graduated. However he took in good spirit and continued to work as hard as before.

The problem with 'A' and many others like him is that our education system caters only to a particular Genre of Learners. He was a semi-kinesthetic learner who understood things by experiencing them. Once while explaining to him how to draw a diagram over the phone, he repeatedly asked me the same question. I finally lost patience and gave up. He then took a pencil and compass and constructed the diagram himself. The next day he showed me the diagram. It was perfect and flawless. He then began to understand his learning patterns. He got notes from our class toppers and focused on what he was best at. He cleared all his backlogs and passed his course with flying colours. 

Post his Bachelor's he joined a Master's course in USA. Unlike his previous stint in India he had a good start to his course. He worked hard and cleared his first semester with a stellar 4 on 4. He said through the other semesters well and is now on his way to receive his Masters.Now, whenever I feel low he motivates me.

When I think of him and all that he has gone through I realize that he played a very important role in my life. By explaining things to him, I learnt things better. By seeking motivation by looking at him I felt motivated. 

Everytime we are running through a rough phase in our lives we only think of our ourselves and fail to realize that we are not an isolated system. Our difficulties and joys also contribute to the upliftment of others around us. The earth by itself is a system in equlibrium. It is not possible to have a perpetual summer or winter as the each region needs to experience its own equilibrium in order for the earth to be in balance.

As you go through each day, If you are happy share your joy with others and help them regain their equilibrium. If you are sad, share your sorrow with those who matter and help yourself get back on your feet.

And everyone else who feels like a black sheep or an underachiever. Remember there are many flocks of white sheep and though you might feel odd one day you will eventually find your flock. The day you discover what you are good at or when someone else discovers you is not far. A world with only white sheep is a colourless world. Until then just focus on keep yourself in balance.

Epilogue :

He walked into the room, with his bride holding his hand. He flashed his million dollar smile at us as he walked along the flower decked aisle. He had two degrees, a wonderful wife and a stellar career. I flashed him a smile and walked up to the podium by the stage to deliver the best man's (woman in my case) speech. He who was once considered a lowly black sheep was now an amazingly successful one.