Bise-Bhele-Bhaat

Bise-Bhele-Bhaat is one of my favourite dishes. The Colourful concoction of rice, lentils and vegetables is as tasty as it looks. It is simple to make and easy to eat as it does not require any side dish to be eaten with it. My grandmothers and mother are experts at making this dish. However the best Bise-Bhele-Bhaat I have tasted was made by my friend Sahana, who originates from the same place that Bise-Bhele-Bhaat originated - Karnataka.  Sahana had a knack for making it. She would toss the ingredients into a cooker and let it cook. She would then add the condiments and it would be just perfect at the first try. She knew the quantities by just looking at them. When complimented, she would just smile and offer to explain how to make it. She was unassuming and never cared for compliments.

"Exchange one dollar with and a friend and you have a dollar each.

Exchange an idea with a friend and you have two good ideas."

In this race of life, many believe that success is a win-lose situation, where one needs to put down their counterparts in order to succeed. In stark contrast she believed in sharing ideas and knowledge with everyone in order to obtain ideas from them. She believed that learning was a two-way process that benefitted the receiver as well as the giver.

Relative Grading is analogous to ensuring that you stay a little ahead of others, so that you can leverage the edge you have by converting it to a better grade. Several people I knew used the relative grading system to their advantage by not sharing what they knew with others. However, Sahana rubbished these ideas and freely shared her notes with everyone. The notes that she meticulously prepared, used to be photocopied and passed around the rest of the class. Never once did she worry that the people she helped would outperform her.

Sahana was extremely organized. She did not stop with herself and lent a hand to anyone who required it. Once during my Master's, I had an open book exam. I sat in the study lounge with piles and piles of paper surrounding me, unsure of how to proceed. Sahana, came up to me. She sat down and quickly began to re-arrange my notes. She labelled them using sticky notes and sorted them into five broad categories depending on the portions covered in them. She gave me a few tips on how to use those notes to my advantage. She congratulated me when I received an 'A' on the paper, and commented that I had done the studying and she was only a catalyst.

She did not stop with academics. Cooking came naturally to Sahana, and she gave cooking advice to anyone who asked her. She taught me to make macaroni and accompanied me to the shop to purchase the best pasta available in the market. She made Bise-bhele-bhaat and Biriyani when I was low and never ceased to motivate me when I felt low.

Sahana Completed the course with flying colors. She topped the class. What made it more special for everyone was that, by succeeding, she created a win-win situation for everyone. She proved that one can succeed by being simple. The bise-bhele-Bhaat is simple, tasty and nourishing. The same way the best way to be successful is be simple, drop your ego, learn from others and teach others what you know. The way to succeed will present itself to you.

Sahana, as you celebrate your birthday, I wish you a prosperous life. I wish that your life is as Colourful as the Bise-Bhele-Bhaat. Continue to be as awesome as you are. The world needs people like you.

Worry not for life will move on...

This post is dedicated to my dear friend 'A'. I have had several friends but one person who motivated me the most was 'A', His tale is one of grit, determination and strong will. He never lost heart and had worked hard. He never gave up hope and always told himself that he would see light at the end of the tunnel. 

Every classroom in any institution will have melange of people ranging from the super-geeks to the most chilled out people. Though the ratio of the geeks to average humans depends upon the ranking and repute of the school, every class will have atleast one different person who does not fit into the mould.

I studied in an Undergraduate School that was not bad but was not a great school. Our class had a fine balance of nine-pointers and average students. Some people studied really hard and walked away with brilliant grades. While some were just content to pass. However there were some people who did not fall into both categories. One such person was 'A'.

He worked really hard. While others started studying for a test only a day prior to it. He would study for weeks. He would revise two, three and even four times but would mess up at the end of the exam. At the end of the test he would be glum as would not have been able to answer most of the questions. He would then move on and study for the next test. This pattern continued until a point when he finally lost his motivation. One day when our seniors were graduating from college, he saw them in their graduation gowns and lamented that he would never graduate. I jokingly asked him to borrow a seniors gown and click a picture in case he never graduated. However he took in good spirit and continued to work as hard as before.

The problem with 'A' and many others like him is that our education system caters only to a particular Genre of Learners. He was a semi-kinesthetic learner who understood things by experiencing them. Once while explaining to him how to draw a diagram over the phone, he repeatedly asked me the same question. I finally lost patience and gave up. He then took a pencil and compass and constructed the diagram himself. The next day he showed me the diagram. It was perfect and flawless. He then began to understand his learning patterns. He got notes from our class toppers and focused on what he was best at. He cleared all his backlogs and passed his course with flying colours. 

Post his Bachelor's he joined a Master's course in USA. Unlike his previous stint in India he had a good start to his course. He worked hard and cleared his first semester with a stellar 4 on 4. He said through the other semesters well and is now on his way to receive his Masters.Now, whenever I feel low he motivates me.

When I think of him and all that he has gone through I realize that he played a very important role in my life. By explaining things to him, I learnt things better. By seeking motivation by looking at him I felt motivated. 

Everytime we are running through a rough phase in our lives we only think of our ourselves and fail to realize that we are not an isolated system. Our difficulties and joys also contribute to the upliftment of others around us. The earth by itself is a system in equlibrium. It is not possible to have a perpetual summer or winter as the each region needs to experience its own equilibrium in order for the earth to be in balance.

As you go through each day, If you are happy share your joy with others and help them regain their equilibrium. If you are sad, share your sorrow with those who matter and help yourself get back on your feet.

And everyone else who feels like a black sheep or an underachiever. Remember there are many flocks of white sheep and though you might feel odd one day you will eventually find your flock. The day you discover what you are good at or when someone else discovers you is not far. A world with only white sheep is a colourless world. Until then just focus on keep yourself in balance.

Epilogue :

He walked into the room, with his bride holding his hand. He flashed his million dollar smile at us as he walked along the flower decked aisle. He had two degrees, a wonderful wife and a stellar career. I flashed him a smile and walked up to the podium by the stage to deliver the best man's (woman in my case) speech. He who was once considered a lowly black sheep was now an amazingly successful one.

Together through Thick and Thin

I few days ago I was reading my friends blog post. It took me down the memory line. 

This is the URL to her post : http://evinceread.blogspot.sg/2015/03/i-miss-old-us.html

I was chatting with a friend. He mentioned that friends were replaceable. He said that as we move on we should discard old friendships and gain new friends to suit new situations. He argued that we should rid ourselves and our friends of old friendships the same way we get rid of worn out clothes.  I argued that friendships were an integral part of life that created good memories and made life nicer. We can get rid of old clothes but we can not get rid of old memories and these memories would not be what they are without friends.

When I was in Kindergarten, once the lessons for the day were over, I would rush to the Umbrella Tree on my school campus. My mother would come to fetch me from school. As she waited for me to arrive she would engage in some talk with the other mothers. My first friends in school were the daughters of these waiting mothers. As our mothers chatted we would talk to each other and wave each other goodbye as we parted. At that point of time friendship to me meant the companionship of other kids around your age. 

The first friend I made, my first best friend was a classmate in third grade. As we sat next to each other in class we exchanged phone numbers. We did not even know each others names for a whole year. However as we grew up each of us had different likings and started to gel with different sets of people. Unintentionally we had drifted apart and had become part of different cliques. We continue to remain good friends to this date.

Post primary school, The next Best Friend's I had were through Girl Guides. Six of us had to spend almost a year in each others company. We saw each other for approximately 8 hours a day and at the end of it, three of them were my best friends. Their friends became my friends over time. Of the three of them, I speak to one friend once in a month. While I do not speak to the other two frequently, we still update each other on our lives. We live in different corners of the globe and haven't met in a long time.

Once I graduated from school, I entered university. The people whom I had known all my life were no longer around me. In the first year of college we had mixed classes where students from different branches attended classes together. Though I did not have a best friend in particular, I had 5 friends in the class. Four of them live in different cities now and one lives in the the same city as mine. I keep in touch with four of them.

Travelling to college was memorable and I made several very good friends on the Bus. Living in the same locality made it easier for us to synchronise our travel times. As the bus trod along Chennai roads, we would look through the grills of the bus window and animatedly chat while the breeze messed up our neat braids. All the friends I made on the bus live far away,

Though undergrad I made other friends as my Junior year friends drifted away. However the only person I would call my best friend was a batch-mate I met in my pre-final year of college. We did not have any common classes and met through mutual friends. He now stays over 15000km away from where I live now.

Of all the good friends I had before leaving India, I am in touch with all of them but one person?

Surprisingly, the person I seldom talk to is not the person who lives 15000 km away. Nor is it the person I met as a child. The person I seldom talk to is the person who lives in the same city as me.

The same scenario would have been different a decade ago when Skype was uncommon, Facetime unheard of, Whatsapp was nonexistent and international calls cost a bombshell. A good friendship does not require geographical closeness to sustain itself. All it needs is the willingness of two individuals to be a part of each others lives.

Some may argue that the world is becoming increasingly virtual and virtual friendships are unreal. Though there is nothing like having a friend beside you, it does not make sense to sever ties just because you do not meet often. Throwing a friend out of your life just because you can not see the person in flesh and blood every day or week of your life makes no sense. Circumstances may force the Best of Friends apart and a friend does not cease to be a friend just because a person does not reside in the same locality as you.

One of my very good friends is a person I met in the neighbourhood mathematics tuiton. She lived in USA and I lived in India. We wrote to each other and became good friends. I have met her in person only 5 or 6 times but that in now way makes her a lesser friend. My current roomates and a few classmates are my buddies in Singapore. A dozen years down the line we may be in different places and we may or may not be in contact. However if we lose contact it is because we have emotionally drifted apart, not because the distance has parted us.

And each time I call a friend or text a long lost buddy.....

Even if the distance does us part we shall not.