Let it go !

If we made a mistake, she would admonish us for a few minutes and then go on with whatever she was doing like nothing happened.

If she made a mistake, she would apologise and move on.

She was extremely level headed and looked at everything with a rational perspective and a combination of patience and pragmatism is what made her the person she is. She never held grudges, as she believed that everyone should always be given a second chance.

Several times when I encounter people, I observe that they are neither ready to forgive others, nor are they ready to accept their mistakes. They hold on to a false ego that they are always right and refuse to look beyond the rosy borders that they have mentally created for themselves. In doing so they create a barrier between themselves and others and make themselves difficult to approach. When I encounter such people, the first person who comes to my mind is my Mom.

I would always wonder what she would do if she was in the same situation. She would simply forgive the person and move on. I always wondered how she could be so calm and composed. I am a person who believes in admitting my mistakes, however when it came to forgiving others, my opinion was diametrically opposite to that of my mother. 

I believed that a person who had hurt me once, would hurt me again and by forgiving them I was only making myself more vulnerable to that persons emotions. I held on to my belief until my mom pointed out to me, that my not forgiving a person and holding onto a grudge, we are allocating a space for the person in our mind, this allocation of spaces makes us lose focus on other better and more important things. I did not buy her logic as I felt the principle was flawed.

One day I entered by apartment with a bag of vegetables that I had purchased in the market. I opened the fridge that was already overflowing and realised that there was no space for the vegetables. I left the vegetables on the kitchen counter and was left with a bag of rotten vegetables two days later. When I sifted through the contents of the fridge I noticed that most of the contents had either crossed their expiry dates or were spoilt. I had held on to rotten food and in the process let the fresh vegetables rot.

The same principle applies to our life. If we hold on to grudges, we let the grudges occupy too much of space in our mind. We do not get rid of grudges and hence our mind is filled with rotten thoughts. This prevents good thoughts from entering the mind. The good thoughts are forgotten as there is no space for them and in due course of time, the good thoughts become invalid as we have not allocated sufficient time to them.

For Example, A professor falsely accused me of using a mobile phone in his class.. He publicly shamed me in front of my classmates. I developed an instant dislike for him and mentally shut myself out in all his lessons. While my eyes appeared to focus on the board, I did not focus on the lessons. The Professor was a sour human but a good teacher. When the exams came, while others could fathom the subject, I was clueless. I had let the grudge grow in me and had prevented the knowledge from coming in. In the end, the sour Professor had remained unaffected. He continued to remain sour while my grades suffered.

This incident made me change my belief on forgiving others.

In forgiving someone else, we are in reality making ourselves a better person by getting rid of all the dirt and rot (grudges).

As the nicest human being I have known - My Mom, celebrates her birthday this week. I pray and hope that I become like her someday. I hope god gives her a colourful life and endows others with the cheerful disposition she has.