Tea Time Tales

One girl was seated on the couch. With the laptop perched on the armrest of the couch, she sifted through her mails. Another sat on the floor examining an image of Cinderella on a black t-shirt. Her attention barely shifted from the masterpiece she created. The third girl sat on another couch. With her tab in her hand she read through some article on an online newspaper. The clock struck eleven and though they technically did not have wall clock at home, their circadian rhythms were in harmony and their psychological clock rang mini alarms indicating that it was tea time.

They looked at each other for a full thirty seconds before they asked each other who would prepare tea. Finally one of them got up and proceeded to the stove. She collected the ingredients and placed them on the table to avoid repeated visits to the kitchen storage that was a good five yards away. A click was a heard and the trio turned their attention to the door as the fourth member of the tea party entered.

Glasses were placed on the table and a spoon of sugar was placed in two of the glasses. The tea was filtered and each member was handed a glass. All of them sat down on the four couches in the room. As they curled into their comfort zones each of them complimented the person who prepared tea that day. Over a glass of tea they would discuss the happenings of the day. They would engage in harmless banter and tease each other. As the tea vanished, they would wind their tea party. Once the glasses were empty each would wash their glass and stow it on the counter top rack before they hit the sack.

This was an everyday ritual that they arduously followed. Even if one was busy, the other three would continue to drink tea as the missing member would catch up on the details the next day. The practice of tea-drinking may seem banal to others but to them it was one time of the day they really looked forward to. All of them were students who were in different stages of their doctoral programme. Each had batlles to face everyday of their lives but when it was tea time they drowned their worries and fears in the mugs of tea and cleansed their minds to prepare themselves for the day that was to come. 

Being a member of this tea party, I always wondered how all the others had time for everything despite their tight schedules. One day I remembered a story that one of my school teachers once told us. 

"A professor stood before his philosophy class with some items in front of him.

When class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He asked the students if the jar was full, they all agreed it was. So, the professor picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled around the golf balls and filled into the spaces between the golf balls. He again asked, “is the jar full?”; and again the students agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “Yes!”. The professor then produced two cups of tea from the table and poured the entire contents into the jar; effectively filling the empty spaces between the sand. The students laughed. As the laughter subsided, the professor said, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things, family, children, health, friends, and your favorite passions. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else—the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “you will spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes.There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set priorities. The rest is just sand.” One of the students asked, “What does the coffee represent?” The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of tea with a friend.”

This Just goes to show how we can make time for everything in our lives. All we need to do is to sort out our priorities. The laundry can be put away for another day or we can squeeze a five minute slot to just load the washer and collect the clothes later. After all chores are just grains of sand. There is no point in cribbing that the jar is full of sand when the golf balls are effectively outside. When your life seems to be getting too heavy with trivial sand like issues just throw the sand out and fill it with the more important issues. The sand will fall into its space between the golf balls. And incase your life seems completely overwhelming, it does not matter whether your life is filled with sand or pebbles or golfballs. Just head for a cup of tea with your friends. After all there is always space for a cup of tea.

You can see the video for the Mayo Jar story on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-iyK1zGC84

Breaking the Glass Barrier

Dearest Appa.... You Always told me I can be whatever I want... I and ultimately did whatever I wanted.... with your words echoing in my head.... This post is dedicated to you.... I only wish more people could be like you..... 

The Indian Society has progressed considerably over the last century. The outlook of Indians has become considerably broader and things seem to be improving for the better. However patriarchy continues to be dominant in India. Though families are becoming increasingly liberal, the society in general continues to be chauvinistic.

An interview of one of the accused in the infamous Nirbhaya Case only echos the sentiments expressed by several men in India who believe that women are born to serve men. Also, men believe that it is below their dignity to partake in household chores and feel that women are inferior mortals whose sole purpose on earth is to serve them.

Women in some societies are made to believe that they are inferior. In some societies they are made to believe that they are equal to men. They live with the belief that they can do what they want and aim for the ceiling only to be hit hard on the head by the invisible glass barrier of patriarchy that injures their personality. Some brush the injury away and break the glass paving for a barrier less path for other while some recoil post hitting the glass. My tale is one where I hit the glass and decided to shy away from it, yet climbed over the glass barrier by circumventing it (by leaving the country). I bow down to all the strong women who had the courage and will power to break the barrier.

I belong to an extremely liberal family. My family took my education and empowerment very seriously. When I decided that I wanted to pursue Mechanical Engineering, my parents wholeheartedly supported me. I completely loved my course but was inherently depressed and unhappy as several of my batch mates treated me like an untouchable. I was made to sit alone on the left side first bench. The bench that was meant to seat five students, had only two students seated on it as my classmates were vehemently against the idea of sitting near someone they considered inferior just because their set of 46 chromosomes had one different chromosome as compared to mine. 

The disparity and discrimination did not end with the seating arrangement. When the class decided to go on an industrial visit, the other girl in my class and I expressed our desire to join them. However some of my classmates purposely did not book tickets for us, under the pretext of in-availability of tickets as they did not want a lesser mortal joining them on the trip. 

Symposiums and tech-fests are meant to be events where people share their ideas. However in my department for the girls it was far from what it was meant to be. We had to draw rangolis to welcome the chief guests and decorate the stage as the so called superior mortals (the boys or the men in my class) refused to help us.

My irritation and annoyance at the disparity grew so much that I really wanted to get out of the university as soon as possible and head out of the city as soon as I could. The mere sight of my college brought tears to my eyes. The day I left my city I felt a sense of empowerment. I could be myself and people respected me for the person I am. Not for the gender I belonged to. The men in my life who supported me then continue to support me now and I am thankful to all the people in my life (men and women) for making me what I am now.My heart goes out to all the women who face supression and discrimination at home and in the society.

I do not mean to say that all men are evil or mean. But the percentage of people that need to really understand that their right to be be liberal should not curtail the freedom of others is very high. A vast majority of my classmates were chauvinistic, Some were extremely broadminded and humane. My sincere thanks to them for reinforcing my faith in humanity and for giving me the belief that good people exist. I see shining examples of liberal and strong men in my grand father, father,brother and friends and wish that other men can stop being chauvinistic and hypocritical. Maybe once they have a daughter or wife their stance may change. Only time can tell what changes may occur in the future. Until then I pray.... Into this heaven of Freedom my People.... Let my Country Awake!!!

P.S: This post is not intended to hurt anyone. The primary aim of this post is to make people aware of the restrictions the society imposes on us. Also, Over my four years in college I had several nightmares and wanted to bring it to an end. Documenting it and bringing it to an end puts some sort of closure on my emotions.