In Buses in India it is not uncommon to find a section of seats on every bus reserved for women. This is done to ensure that women feel safe while traveling on crowded buses. Thr remaining seats are not reserved and anyone who chooses to sit on them can use them. However some people traveling on the bus assume that General Seats are for men while the reserved seats are for women.
Once I was traveling on a bus that was relatively empty. The women's section was full and only one man was seated in the general section. I proceeded to find a seat and sat down. In the next stop a lady and few other men got in and the lady asked me to get up. I pointed that the bus was empty and she could sit in any other seat she chose to. She shook her head and said that I was sitting in a 'Gents' seat and I should get up. Some of the men on the bus agreed with her. I simply refused to get up. She gave a disproving glance and continued to stand though there were sufficient seats on the bus as she wanted to sit on a 'LADIES' seat.
This happens on a daily basis in many places. It is not necessary that men suppress women, since many women suppress themselves. It would still be alright if they suppressed themselves, but many women take an extra step in suppressing other women by admonishing them. While I stuck to the seat and refused to move, I have come across several other girls who getup and stand in the same situation to avoid creating a scene.
This expression of authority on strangers is not limited to the public transport system. I was once seated on a bench in my undergraduate college. I stretched my legs after a tiring day at lab and classes. A woman who was the office assistant of one of my professors happened to pass by. She scurried towards me and asked me to sit decently. I pointed out that was nothing wrong in the way I sat and pointed to a boy sitting a few feet away and told her that he was sitting the same way. She said "Ozhunga Nalla Ponnu Mathri Iru". (Be like a good proper girl). I simply smiled and folded my knees and sat upright till she was out of sight. I did not have much of a choice as I was already notorious in college for being rebellious and did not want to create a scene as I feared it would affect my grades if anyone came to know that I rebelled.
These two incidents annoyed me, however I felt lucky as this superficial need to Appear like a "Nalla Ponnu" did not apply at home. However In several instances it applies to the home as well. I have come across several girls who wanted to study Mechanical Engineering but ultimately did not as their mothers and grandmothers counseled them against studying a "BOYS" course.
Many states in India have several women at their helm and many nations are lead by able women. We have several sportspersons including Mary Kom, Saritha Devi etc who are women. Many women scientists work in research establishments like ISRO and women contribute significantly to the nation. While many women admire these women who have made a mark, they hypocritically suppress themselves and the women around them by shaming them and controlling them to act like the supposed Good Woman in their perceptions. If it had been drilled into Mary Kom had that punching was only meant for boys she would not be where she is today.
I am a Mechanical Engineer and I have several friends doing research in Computer Science, Medicine and Biology. Research by itself is perceived to be a Male dominated field and sciences are all the more dominated by men. All of them concur on one thing - The women in their lives I.e. Mother, sister, teacher etc were extremely crucial in offering their support to them. One of them even went on to say that when she was in 6th grade her science teacher had told her that she should consider Life Science research and that the teacher was a major support to her. She concluded that if not for her family and teachers support she would not be where she is.
Several men suppress and abuse women, however several women suppress themselves and others and in turn create a group of women who believe that it is alright to be suppressed and suppressed. It is only when this chain ends can women truly be empowering and empowered.
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