When the Tides Change

It was a pristine white apartment. The hall led to a little corridor with rooms on either sides. The two inhabitants on the left side of the corridor were my friends. I wanted to scream out in my excitement to meet them, but did not as the inhabitants on the right side of the corridor were strangers I scarcely knew.

I knocked at their door and was greeted with a hug from one and a fist bump from another. We chatted for a while and then proceeded to go out for a meal. We had a lovely time pulling each others legs. As I returned to their apartment that evening to collect my belongings, I said a 'Hello' to the inhabitants on the right side of the corridor. They smiled and we exchanged pleasantries.

Friendship is a funny thing, you meet someone and strike off a conversation. You spend more time and get used to their company. You think of some as close enough to be your brides man (Bride's maid isn't a good term to use on male friends). When you just begin to have some hope out of the friendship, something happens and you start to question your judgement (or lack of it).

As for my two friends, my friendship with them came to an abrupt halt. One had other priorities and replaced all the people in his life in a sudden swift move over a weekend. He did it with such sharpness and efficiency. I had gone home for the weekend and came back to find a lost friend. The other stayed friends for six more months before he drifted off and cut me off his life.

They aren't enemies nor are they friends. They are strangers with memories. The difference between a stranger you haven't encountered and a stranger with memories is that the latter makes your heart strings tug at each other when you brush past them. You are unsure if you should say hello (They aren't enemies) or whether your should brush past them with an air of unawareness (they aren't friends either).

It is said that if people know each other for seven years, it signifies that the friendship will last a lifetime. While I initially believed that time is not a parameter to last the strength of a friendship, I have come to believe that it is a parameter. Friends from school whom I have known for almost two decades continue to remain friends though I seldom meet them. They might be distant but they are still friends.

Despite my initial reluctance to get out of my comfort zone and make friends again, I have found the process of knowing a person and sharing your time with them enjoyable. I have made new friends. The invisible scar of being cut off abruptly has healed and I have come to terms with the fact that not all friendships are meant to last several years, let alone a lifetime.

Today, at the same white apartment (no longer very pristine), I stand at the corridor. The hall leads to a little corridor with rooms on either sides. The inhabitants are the same. The two inhabitants on the right side of the corridor are my friends. I wanted to scream out in my excitement to meet them, but did not as the inhabitants on the left side of the corridor were strangers I knew. They were Strangers with Memories.

Note : While the story remains largely true, some facts have been mildly exaggerated or removed for the sake of putting across the point.

The Social Butterfly

I looked at the watch on my wrist and realized that I still had 45 minutes to be at the next appointment. It was 11.30 AM and the restaurant was crowded. The famed MTR Bise Bhele Bhaat was taking its own sweet time to arrive and I was getting late. Ten minutes to wolf down the Bise Bhele Bhaat; five minutes to say my goodbyes and dash to the Train station and half an hour to reach my destination. The plan seemed perfect.

A few minutes later I glanced at my watch and it still said 11.30. Noticing that something was amiss I opened my phone and realised that the watch had stopped working. I had thirty minutes to finish my lunch and make it to the next appointment. I could not leave without eating as my companion for lunch had waited for my food to arrive.

At that very moment the food arrived. Without thanking the waiter I quickly ate and went to the train station to catch the train for my next appointment. I was meeting a long lost friend after half a decade and didn't want to be late.

I managed to reach my destination three minutes late. I had rehearsed my apologies and my  friend was no where to be seen. I had two and a half hours for the next appointment and figured out that I had ample time to finish this appointment before running for the next.

I am a weekend social butterfly. It make up for the isolation during the week, I fix multiple appointments during the weekend. I meet a friend for breakfast, another for lunch and yet another for tea. By the time it is dinner, I am full and tired but calling off social engagements is against my ethic and I end up meeting four people a day. I do not complain as I love meeting new people and being a social butterfly is something I brought upon myself.

People who have known me for decades are surprised at the metamorphosis I have undergone into becoming this butterfly. Some of my friends have known me almost all my life and believe that I place more emphasis on making friends rather than exploring the depth of friendship. Sometimes even I believe that flying from gathering to gathering has made me superficial. This in some cases has prevented me from forming meaningful friendships and relationships, which was something I did during my caterpillar and cocoon stages of life (i.e. School and College).

Despite being social and having multiple appointments in a day, I have managed to build some friendships while the vast majority of them have been superficial. Being a social butterfly has its share of perks and pitfalls. Meeting many people is a definite plus. Being able to meet people and choose whom you want to hang out with in the long run is another.

Lastly, the advantages of being a social butterfly outweigh the negatives that this possesses. It gives you the opportunity to get to know people. Good things begin small. The best of friendships and relationships begin with a humble smile and acknowledgement.

Mystery of the Missing Surname

An elegantly dressed man in a white suit came on the screen and in his imitable manner said "I am Bond, James Bond." Several of my friends copied his style and prefixed their Given names with their surname. However, I could never do that as I did not have a surname.

A decade ago I got my passport renewed and for reasons best known to the person issuing my passport they made my name "AISHWARYA BHARGAV" and left the surname blank. The gap between Aishwarya and Bhargav was negligible and it looked like a single name. I knew I needed a surname, but the idea of standing in a serpentine queue to get it changed did not appeal to me and I left the name as it was. This led to a series annoying moments where I had to explain the lack of a surname. 

Worse was situations where I had to fill automated forms that would simply not accept the lack of a surname. Messages that read "Surname is a compulsory field. It can not be left blank" would pop up on the screen and I would have to either fill the space with a 'NIL' or call up a customer service representative to get the issue sorted out.

My best friend in college also faced the issue of a non-existent surname (no points for guessing why). He had applied for a driving license in USA. The authorities at the transport office called out the applicants by surname. The clerk at the office called out 'Smith','Brown' and then looked surprised as he looked at the applicants. He then scratched his beard for a moment and then called out 'None'! The other applicants were amused and giggled. My friend stood up red faced and went to check whether they were calling for him. Most certainly they were!

In Singapore communication is informal as most people are called by their first names. If one does not know the other persons name they either call them auntie or uncle (if the person is older) or simply refer to them as La! As a result I did not face any issues with the absence of a surname. 

The only time I had a problem was when I tried to do an early online check in for a flight. I tried several permutations and combinations comprising the two names that were blended together in my portmanteau name. No combination worked and I finally gave up and opted for the conventional check in at the airport. The next time I was flying, my friend offered to try his luck at web check in. He once again tried all the permutations and combinations and an idea struck him. He filled the surname box with the word 'Miss' and was able to proceed to check in.

I was 'Aishwaryabhargav Miss' according to the boarding pass. While some friends remarked that it sounded like an endearment referring to a teacher, others joked by asking if I would have to fill 'Aishwaryabhargav Mrs' once I was married.

A few weeks ago, I needed to fill out a form for a Visa. this form would simply not take a blank for an answer. I was at my wits end and called up my father who suggested that I change my passport and get my name corrected. I went to the Indian passport office at Singapore and requested them to make my name 'Aishwarya Bhargav' for the sake of convenience. The officer behind the desk requested for a proof of name. I explained to her that in my PAN Card and other documents there was no separate field for surname and the only thing mentioned was 'Name : AISHWARYA BHARGAV' with a negligible gap between the words. She was unsure of what to do and asked whether she could renew the passport as it was. I explained that I needed a surname and not changing my surname would simply render the act of changing the passport pointless. The officer was unsure as to whether my request could be considered and asked my to write a letter to the High Commision of Singapore.

I wrote a letter saying 'I, Aishwarya Bhargav would like my name to be listed as Given Name : Aishwarya; Surname: Bhargav in the passport as the absence of a surname is not accepted in some places. I kindly request you to grant my request'. I hope my name gets changed and I eagerly look forward to the day I receive my brand new passport with my new name.

I can then say " I am Bhargav, Aishwarya Bhargav".

TGIF : Thank God It's Friday

Over two decades ago, bunch of toddlers sat on a bamboo mat and chattered away as they waited for the bell to ring. It was Friday and they eagerly waited to go home. They packed their bags and looked up at their teacher. The teacher, a twenty five year old and a novice at the profession lamented loudly that the class sounded like a fish market and cleared her throat. In chorus the entire class said :

"Thank you God for the world so sweet,

  Thank you God for the food we eat,

  Thank you God for the birds that sing,

  Thank you God for everything!"

They scarcely listened to the fish market remark. The class then excitedly thanked their teacher before they ran out to enjoy the weekend. Their faces brightened up as they saw their mothers. The children enthusiastically discussed the days happenings with their mothers and waved goodbye to each other. 

I was one among those toddlers. I waited for my mom and my eyes lit up the moment I saw her. I clambered into the front seat of my mom's car and turned on the radio. My mom pulled the seat belt and secured me to the seat. An old song played and we sang along to it as we went to fetch my brother from school. 

The moment my brother saw me sitting in the front seat of the car, he would yell and wail. I would insist that I being the elder child had the right to sit in front and he would say that I had been around for four years before him and hence sat in the front for four years more. One of us would give up. In the occasion that we didn't our mother would either yell at us or would let him sit on my lap and secure us together in the seat. My brother and I would then entertain each other till it was time to have dinner. We would then wholeheartedly appreciate and eat whatever our mom served us and then go to sleep. I would even thank god for giving me the front seat in the car.

Three days ago, I found myself working on my Desktop one Friday evening. I was irritable and snapped at anything and everything that came my way. My colleagues gave me fist bumps and said 'TGIF' as they left the office. I shut down the desktop and wolfed down a packed sub as I walked home. I whined to myself about all the opportunities I had missed and the level I had reached in life as compared to friends.

I called up my brother and parents on the way home and gave monosyllable answers to their questions. I had two papers to submit, a dinner to attend, a few mails to send out and the abominable fear of losing out or missing out loomed large over my head. I went home and mindlessly watched a few videos as I typed out a few mails. I had a terrible headache and requested my room mate to press my forehead. I ranted about how terrible my day was. .

I woke up the next morning to a throbbing pain and spent the next day trying to finish the pending work. The entire day went by in a jiffy and I went back to sleep with the chronic headache. 

On Sunday morning I woke up and trudged to attend my Project Bhakti Lessons, an engagement program where I and a few other volunteers mentor and teach a few children at a temple. I contemplated bunking the lesson but decided that I might as well have some fun with the children I mentored . My dear friend was conducting the class for the day and I did not want to earn her ire. The lesson for the day was 'Appreciation' and I muttered 'yeah right' as I entered the class.

My friend gathered the students and made them sit in a circle. She asked each of them to tell one thing that they were thankful for. Each child came forward and said what they were thankful for. The first child said that he was thankful for having tasty food. The second appreciated colors and said that she was thankful for crayons. The third thanked her younger brother for making her life more meaningful. As each child said what he was thankful for my heart began to pound. I started to feel smaller and smaller. 

We then asked a boy in our class who was notorious for bring naughty what he appreciated. This boy got yelled at at least three to four times every class. With a chuckle he replied that he was glad that he could still be naughty. He did not take teachers yelling to heart and looked at what he felt was positive. He forgot all the negative things, the scoldings, the wound on his knee and said what he was truly happy for.

When my turn to appreciate came. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't not say a thing. I swallowed the lump in my throat and said that I loved to travel and appreciated god for giving me the ability to travel.

That day I forgot all the things I felt deprived of. I forgot the work I needed to finish. I erased the sad thoughts of the lost opportunities I had. I met my friends and had a lovely day with all of them. Just like the children disregarded the fish market remark and thanked the teacher for the good lessons and for her time, I disregarded all the pessimism around me.

As the day drew to a close, I told myself......

"Thank you God for the world so sweet..."

I thanked god for my amazing parents, and grandparents, my doting brother, the children at the class who made me understand what happiness and appreciation truly is.

"Thank you God for the food we eat"

I appreciated the prasadam I ate at the temple. I was grateful for my friend Hari's mom who doted on us and prepared lovely food for us that morning.

"Thank you God for the birds that sing"

The animals, the trees and everything around me that had life 

Lastly.....

"Thank you God for everything"

For the friend who conducted the lesson, my friend who cheered me up with a cheesecake, my friend who teaches me Hindi despite my aversion to it, to make me feel less alone among my other Indian friends, my friend's mom who taught tried to simplify Hindi by translating it into small bite sized lessons for me. My room mates who bolster me and my 3 am friends around the world who never hesitate to cheer me up. Lastly, I thanked god for that friend who dislikes being thanked but still listens to my thanks (while mentally counting them and imposing a fine for it).

I fell asleep peacefully and woke up to yet another Monday morning. A Monday morning minus the blues. 

This Friday I am sure I will fist bump and say TGIF with more enthusiasm.