Start with a Sneeze

The term 'Gentleman' is often used to describe any many who exhibits a certain level of culture and courteousness, yet people refer to any male person as gentleman without really knowing the person. I have had the opportunity to meet and talk to one such 'Gentleman' who really made me understand what the term really meant.

 

On the first day of my Undergraduate Course, seated in the corner of the first row was a person who was impeccably dressed in a formal shirt and trousers. While others were immersed in their own thoughts, the Gentleman came up to each person and introduced himself. When he came up to me, I pronounced his name in an improper manner, he took no offense, laughed and then accentuated on the 'H' at the end of his name. When I looked puzzed, he replied that the H should sound like a sneeze. With that Statement began Six years of Friendship and I am yet to meet a person as gentle and chivalrous as him.

 

One day while travelling on a bus, a passenger got up and the seat was empty. I motioned him to sit down. He politely asked the other standing passengers if they wanted a seat and then sat down. When I told him that it was unusual for a person to not occupy a vacant seat immediately. He smiled and replied that he did not necessarily need a seat and that there were other passengers who needed a seat more than he did.

 

While he was the epitome of courteousness, Chivalrousness was another gem in his crown. He respected and treated his male and female classmates with equal importance. This might seem normal to most people, yet it was very different as I was used to chauvinists and this real gentleman treated everyone with importance. He would compliment anyone whenever they needed it. He made me realize that compliments cost nothing for the giver and are invaluable to the receiver.

 

He was an excellent singer and  student par excellence (The only 10 pointer), yet he always remained humble and never boasted or made anyone ever feel inferior. He made each one of us realize that we were good at something.

 

As this Unsung Hero completes another rotation around the sun (His Birthday). I wish him all the best for a bright future.

'A' positive life

I entered the new apartment, my escort introduced me to my new house-mate. I smiled and exchanged pleasantries, and the locket on her neck caught my attention. The locket was a simple one with the letter 'A' engraved on it.

The alphabet 'A' marks the beginning of the English alphabet. Several people give their children names beginning with 'A' as they believe that being ahead in the alphabetical order will give their children an edge over others. Statistically 10% of names are believed to have to begin with the letter A,

Though only a tenth of the population have names beginning with this letter, three-fourth of my friends have names beginning with A. This is because of circumstances and chance.

My brother and I shared initials. Our parents named us with Rhyming names that began with the letter 'A'. We shared a calculator that was marked with our initials. This was planned, but having friends with the same initials is something I never expected.

In the college I pursued my Undergraduate Education in they segregated the freshmen based on the starting letter of their name. As a result my class or 'A' Section was filled with 85 people all having names beginning with the same alphabet. Everytime the roll call was made, it would be utterly chaotic as a number of people would answer to common names like Aditya, Aishwarya, Aarthi etc.

Sometimes two people with the same first name and initial would be present in the class and that would add to more chaos. Instances of mixing of grades were not uncommon. 

Sophomore year was slightly better as we were segregated into our respective departments. I was in the Mechanical Engineering Course and did not have the name problem as I was one among the two girls in the course. The name 'Arun' was very common and 1/8th of my batch had the name. Infact the name Arun Kumar was so common that I had a senior, a classmate and junior by the same name. It so happened that the classmate 'Arun Kumar' and the junior were both friends of mine. This led to my family christening them as 'Thambi' (younger brother) Arun Kumar (For the junior) and Friend Arun Kumar.

My senior and good friend in college (Yet another Arun) had the same initials as mine and many friends also had the same set of initials. It became increasingly difficult to sign with initials as no one could fathom whose initials they were.

The 'A' spree did not end with Undergrad. As I mentioned earlier in the post, my roomie in Singapore also has a name that begins with 'A'. So does one among my two Besties. 

When I look at my medical report or identitiy card, I see the blood group and realize that 'A+' is more symbolic than it seems for some of the most important people in my life have names beginning with 'A'.

Three in One Sachet

Teacher's day is just around and corner and so is Raksha Bandhan. Hence it would be apt to pay tribute to my mentors who have taught me as much as my teachers (if not more), been as supportive as a brother should be and lastly been the friend who will stand by through thick and thin. 

A 3 in 1 sachet of coffee has ground coffee beans, creamer and sugar. The beans give the coffee its aroma and the creamer gives it milkiness. The sugar makes the coffee taste better. Most people are like single ingredients, they offer a single flavour to life. A few add more than one flavour to life by taking multiple roles in your life. My post is dedicated to these 3 in 1 people.

During the first week of college, I met a senior. He was in his final year of Undergrad. I never explicitly told him about my cultural shock at college. I had studied in a girls school and was facing a class with 97% boys for the first time. I was not used to the mug and write technique and could not cope with college well. I do not know how he understood what was running in my head. He once came up to me and asked me if I was alright. I admitted my fears to him and he took over the reins partially from me. He had been through it all and understood my situation better than my kith and kin. He guided me through my college and assured me that it was just a matter of time before I would finish my undergrad. He was right. With his motivation, I managed to excel in college. Though it has been over two since I left college, he continues to keep in touch and mentors me when it is necessary. He was my guardian angel through undergrad.

Once my first mentor graduated from University, the next informal mentor was another senior in college. He was more of a brother than a mentor. If I ever ran into trouble he would be there and give me quick solutions to exit from the situation. He would lend me his books and would cheer me up with his antics. I did not spend much time with him, but every time we met , I had a great time. He does not keep in touch and seldoms talks to me. However I am sure that every time I need him, all I need to do is call and he will be there to bolster me and make me smile.

Undergrad was challenging, but Master's was better. The only thing that dampened my spirits during my Master's was the PhD Admit after my Masters. I had applied to half a dozen universities and all admission committees seemed to dislike my application. My confidence went for a toss. A PhD student in the university coached me through the entire situation. Whenever  I was low, he would offer me a bowl of Kothu Parota (my favourite dish) and that would momentarily lift my sadness away. He would use to opportunity to coach me and get me back on track. His encouragement played a significant role in me getting my confidence boosted and finally resulted in a PhD Admit.

The last person, definitely the most important person is my brother. A sister is born the day her sibling is born and my life till today would not be as meaningful as it has been if not for my brother. Aditya (or Adit as we call him) has taught me a lot and we have learnt a lot from each other. He is my pillar of strength. He unconditionally supports every decision I make and loves me despite my faults. He taught me that we can always fight and patch up with the people we love most.  By teaching him, I learnt things better and he is and will always be my best friend and one of the most important people in my life. Thambi Thanga Kambi ( a younger brother like a piece of gold) does not hold true for him for his influence in my life is far more precious than anything I can ever imagine.

We associate teaching with classrooms and knowledge, but fail to acknowledge those who have impacted our life and taught us life lessons. A big thank you to my guru-bhrathra-mitr 3 in one packages for everything you have done for me.

Happy Teacher's day and Raksha Bandhan in Advance.

Enna tension?

I came across this advertisement for a popular jeweller. The ad practically labelled a 'single' daughter of 'marriageable age' as a tension. Though I did not like the ad, I had to admit that it resonated with the popular mindset that a daughter is a liability or tension that one had to get rid of.

One observation that I have made among my friends is that, several parents rush to get their daughter married citing reasons like retirement, poor health etc. However in the case of Sons' the same does not apply. The sons are given an extra four or five years and the parents do not obsess about their marriage. 

In many cases parents are supportive of their daughters, but even those girls are not spared. In every family function I attend, Several Aunties and Uncle's ask when I plan to marry. Some of these are people I have never met. While asking about one's marriage itself is not okay, some go an extra step by suggesting potential matches. When I say that I am working on my PhD, they say that a girl has to 'settle down'.

The ad I mentioned earlier in the post was floated in order to encourage people to save money to buy gold. Though saving is a good concept, saving in order to blow it away on a daughter's wedding is definitely not a great thing. In order to have a successful marriage, two people need to work their lives out and gold or lavish weddings have no role in ensuring it. Further the groom is also an equal partner in the institution of marriage but the society and media has made it seem like only the girls family is responsible.

Sometimes when people tell me to settle down, I feel like asking what their role in my marital life is going to be. They will talk and push but it is me who has to live it. Since I am the one living it, I believe that I should be completely responsible for the choice I make and not depend on someone else and their choice as what is perceived to be best.

It is obvious that times are changing, but the pace at which we grow is definitely slower than what it should be. If each and everyone of us refuses to change our mindset, hoping others change theirs and as a result the society will change, you are completely mistaken. Several traditions and superstitions have continued only because people have believed them blindly and have continued to impart them to their people. If people continue to believe that girls are a tension that needs to be married off because of society, remember that you are a part of the society and you are contributing to a trend that results in a long vicious cycle.

What's Cooking tonight ??

I initially started this blog to chronicle my experiences in the kitchen. With time my interest in the kitchen wore away primarily due to the absence of a stove. Over time a room-mate began to hog the microwave and induction cook-top. Everytime I wanted to cook I would have to wait, and the waiting time was so long that I would give up and eat outside instead.

After moving into another apartment, I got a renewed interest in the kitchen. We had four burners and three housemates and this was ample for us. It meant that one could simultaneously make a side dish on one burner while the rice was being done on another burner. Alternatively I could take breaks between stirring the sabzi and flipping over the chapati. The food got done in less than half the time it used to take once upon a time.

My roomie and I decided that everyday we would eat atleast one home-made meal and we have been following this for a month now. The experience has been beneficial in several ways. Firstly, we eat more regularly as we do not need to head to a restaurant to eat. Secondly the food is healthier as we bulk it up with more vegetables and less oil. Learning to cook and spending some time in the kitchen chatting with each other is a bonus plus point. Lastly we also have food waiting for us if one of us gets home late as the other would have prepared food earlier.

The only disadvantage of self cooking is the taste for my roomie and I are very nascent to this art. This problem will definitely vanish with time as we have observed our food improve gradually over the last month. 

A Tribute to my hero

Thousands of students and their families waited eagerly to catch a glimpse of the missile man. Several scaled walls to get a fleeting glance. My friend, my teacher and I stood at the gate, eagerly awaiting his arrival. We were lucky, many of the students wanted to meet him, but only two of us were given the necessary permission to do so. We enthusiastically checked out watches and as the clock struck five, a convoy pulled up at our school gate. A barrage of people rushed to meet him but were prevented from doing so. 

I could not believe my eyes. I was seeing my hero in flesh and blood for the first time. As he got off the car, he smiled and walked up to us. He asked me and my friend for our names. He smiled and repeated our names and then shook hands with us. He then asked me what subjects I had chosen to major in and what I intended to become. On hearing my response he smiled and asked the two of us to study well.

My friend brought out a bouquet of orchids and I held a box of cashew nuts in my hand. The former president remarked that he did not eat cashews. My smile vanished at my inability to give him something good. Dr.Kalam, not wanting to disappoint us took the box of cashews and profusely thanked us. He said that he and his assistants would definitely eat some of the cashews. 

The crowd began to swell and Dr.Kalam had to move on to address the gathering. My friend and I stepped back. We stared at our palms in disbelief. We could not believe that we had met Dr.Kalam and felt truly blessed to meet a great legend. 

Several celebrities through their weight around and demand respect. Abdul Kalam is an exception for his gentle demeanour and humility commands respect even from the most disrespectful of people. I was not the only one from my family who had the chance to meet the Missile Man.

My father was once travelling by flight. To kill time, he picked up a copy of the magazine Frontline. To his good fortune, that particular issue of Frontline had a picture of Abdul Kalam on the cover page and had an article about him. As my father read through the magazine, he realised that his co-passenger was none other than the great man himself. He asked him for an autograph, to which Dr.Kalam readily obliged. He signed the magazine cover and wrote the ‘NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. This magazine is a prized treasure that my family cherishes.

Another incident that illustrates the greatness of this Mahatma was witnessed by my grandfather. Dr.Kalam was scheduled to catch a flight but had nearly missed the timing owing to traffic. The airline, not wanting to let go of their esteemed passenger delayed the aircraft. Dr.Kalam reached the airport and ran to the boarding gate. He was a older than most of the passengers, and it was the passengers good luck to be travelling with him. Yet he felt bad to keep others waiting. He apologised to the passengers and the crew for the delay. A great man like him need not apologise, yet Dr.Kalam chose to remain a commoner despite his achievements. He chose to remain one among the people. He thoroughly enjoyed spending time with people. Hence it is befitting that he died surrounded by students.

Dr.A.P.J.Abdul Kalam may have left the physical world, yet he continues to live on in the hearts of the millions he inspired. Certain teachers need to be present to deliver their message to students, however Dr.Abdul Kalam is no normal teacher, he is someone like Dronacharya, a person who inspires by just merely thinking of him. We the future of India are his Ekalavyas or his unseen disciples. We need to keep the Wings of Fire Burning and realise the dream that Dr.Kalam had for each of us and the nation.

The world is not an asset that we acquire from our parents, it is a debt that we take from our progenies. Dr.Kalam paid this debt multi fold by being a great mentor and teacher. It is upto to each and everyone of us to keep the path of progress envisioned by him.

Badam Halwa Lessons

My grand mother prepared a tin full of Badam Halwa Cake and handed it to me. I placed it with my clothes and zipped the bag shut. On reaching Singapore, I promptly put it into the refrigerator. Everyday I would open the fridge to see if the Halwa was intact and would tell myself I would eat a piece of it the next day. On some days I would break a piece into half and consume one portion of it.

One day I opened to see the Badam Cake was grey in color as compared to its rich beige color. Fungi had infested the cake and I had to throw away the partially filled box with a heavy heart. I could not comprehend how the halwa that had seemed fresh had suddenly turned grey. I wondered if the greying had occurred over a period of time and whether I had been absent minded. I chided myself for my absent mindedness and wondered if destroying some of the spoilt halwa would have helped the rest of the halwa remain uninfested. I was surprised yet a little upset at the same time.

This Badam Halwa analogy holds good for all relationships including friendship. Several times we notice that a friendship has gone sour primarily because we fail to notice the changes. We are caught in a time race and effectively ignore the greying symptoms. We keep putting away making calls to the next day, assuming that there will be one more day. This cycle continues until you feel an emotional disconnection with the person. This disconnection spreads like the fungus, unfortunately you are caught in a eutopic world that you fail to notice the fungi and the end result is a sour friendship infested with bitterness.

Make that call that you need to make TODAY. Do not put it off until tomorrow for the person may not need you tomorrow, do not let the fungi spread. Be vigilant and give people the importance they deserve. Do not let the emotional disconnection develop for one day it may lead to a situation where your loved one may need to discard your friendship just like I had to discard the tin of Badam Halwa.